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That Stuffed Cloak-bag of Guts

(Note: I originally posted the following on Facebook, but I liked it so much that I thought total strangers deserved to see it as much as casual acquaintances and intimate relations.  I apologize to all in my Facebook community who no longer feel special.  You are all still special, but not “this post”-special.)

After the success of the Public’s Trump-inspired Julius Ceasar,  I’m kinda half-seriously considering producing a Shakespeare festival that does nothing BUT take cheap shots at Trump.  Tickets to Shakespeare In The Park are free, but after over 46,000 people (!) saw Orange Julius.  Imagine the bank you could make with that many sweaty butts!

Working title: “Trumpspeare”. And here are some sample production descriptions:

The Winter’s Tale:

Leontes (Trump) accuses Hermoine (Ivanna) of being unfaithful, but really he’s just frustrated by the fact that she’s aging like a normal, human woman. Baby Perdita (Ivanka) washes up on the shores of Bohemia where she grows up and establishes herself as a purveyor of overpriced luxury frocks. When she and Florizel (Jared) arrive at the Sicilian court, Leontes hits on her immediately and heavily. He turns the statue of Hermoine away because it is not gold enough. The character of Paulina will be cut from this production.

Measure For Measure:

Deputy Angelo (Trump) takes over for the Duke (Obama) and revives an old forgotten law that all extramarital intercourse is forbidden. Mistress Overdone’s (Katy Perry?) Brothel & Abortionary is torn down immediately. Isabella (Hillary) a novice nun, implores to Angelo on behalf of her dumbass, philandering brother (Bill) who is set to be executed. Angelo is simultaneously repulsed and aroused by her, and not knowing how to deal with being attracted to a woman who is a “5” at best, he sends off a series of unhinged screeds tied to the legs of songbirds all over the city. The citizenry, not knowing what to make of these “tweeting screeds” storm Angelo’s stronghold and beat him to death with sticks. The Duke returns, and the good people of Vienna celebrate with a vivacious pansexual orgy, followed by mandatory visits to the newly reestablished Abortionary.

Othello:

Iago (Trump) shrieks loudly in the middle of the town square many lies about General Othello (Obama)’s lineage, his faith, and the state of his marriage to Desdemona (Michelle). Othello ignores him and takes a long, relaxing vacation.

Julius Ceasar:

100 minutes of just the stabbing part.

Hamlet:

Hamlet (Trump) does not try to convince anyone he is insane, but his erratic behavior leads everyone to question his mental vitality. His soliloquies make no sense, veer wildly off topic and do not scan at all. By the end, when everyone who matters has died, Fortinbras (Putin) rides in shirtless on a horse and takes over.

Who wants to start the Gofundme page for this baby? I’ll wait.

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