I think we can all agree that summertime as an adult is the absolute balls. What was once a welcome respite from academic drudgery becomes a waking nightmare of sweaty fatigue. No day at the pool for you, adult. You’re an adult. You should be doing adult things. Take those swimmies off.
So, you get sad. You are not alone.
SAD typically causes depression as the days get shorter and colder. But about 10% of people with SAD get it in the reverse — the onset of summer triggers their depression symptoms… Why do seasonal changes cause depression? Experts aren’t sure, but the longer days, and increasing heat and humidity may play a role.
Independent studies have also noted:
Yeah, no shit they play a role! No one gets an automatic vacation once the temperature hits eighty. We’re adults, and we have to go to fucking work no matter how much underboob sweat accumulates. The beach? Fuck you, I live in Ohio!
People with a history of depression are more likely to suffer from summertime ennui. I know that my first serious bout of depression occurred during the summer following my college graduation. Of course, at the time my hearty dose of summery listlessness was served with a side order of dear God, what happens now??? The latter may have influenced the former, but my body still remembers that summer was when The Sad Times began. I deal with it the best I can, and so can you!
Here is a short list of proven methods that help alleviate summer depression. Try one or five today!
Yes. Eat the ice cream. Do it. This is the entire reason summer exists. Stop worrying about your “swimsuit body”. No one is going to see you in a swimsuit when you’re in your pajamas playing Robot Unicorn Attack for eleven hours. Go out, eat a delicious frozen treat. If not now, then when? Columbus Day? Ice cream is for the living. Prove to yourself that you are alive.
No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater than central air. You would make love to it if you could.
Just listen to this song! It’s impossible to listen to this song and feel depressed. Just listen to the trumpets! As soon as the brass kicks in you’re back in 1997 driving to the 7-11 with your friends (you lived in South Jersey at the time and that’s all there was to do). Good times. And look at this guy. Look at him dance. He has one job in the band and that job is to dance! How can you not feel better thinking that someone literally lives to dance? You can’t! Take that sadness and skank it out in your slushie-fueled time machine. Skank it out!
This show is like ten minutes of Effexor in cartoon form. It seemed specifically tailored to the hearts and minds of an entire generation that has only known accumulating disappointment. This show has adventure. It has time. It’s short and sweet and it’s a cartoon you can watch without having those weird pants feelings you get from My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic (while we’re talking about that…why did you have to take a delightful cartoon like My Little Pony and turn it into porn? Can you leave us one thing childlike and innocent? Oh, I’m sorry. You’re depressed right now. Sorry, I forgot about that. But, seriously. Dude.)
Well, there you have it. If you try all these things and your summer is still at the bottom of a depression well, I don’t know what to tell you. Maybe try therapy. Or drugs. Or both.