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REVEALED! The Mr. Softee Lyrics You Thought You Never Needed To Know!

Ah, the Mr. Softee Song.  Our official warm weather national anthem, keeping time with the heartbeat of America.

Did you know that the Mr. Softee Song actually has lyrics?  I did.  A long-haired fledgling comedienne version of myself figured it all out back in 201o (start at 2:09 for relevant information; start from the beginning for weird information about my cat).

I miss my hair sometimes.

So I solved the mystery of the Mr. Softee lyrics: not a merry jingle, but a desperate cry from the darkest night of the soul.  A tortured banshee wail, lamenting the hopes and dreams that have cooled us through the heat of  summer’s cruel reality.  Hopes and dreams that have melted, like a once-frozen dairy treat, under the punishing gaze of Ra’s visage.

You know.  Summer.

Last week, though, the New York Daily News challenged what was has been since 2010 indisputable truth.  They have blasphemed the name of Softee and infantilized the unforgiving wrath of summer.  Why, and based on what?  What flimsy evidence have they?  Oh, some “sheet music” that was “copyrighted” in “1960”?  Well, let us see, then.  Let us read these words of heresy and see how they compare.

 

The creamiest dreamiest soft ice cream you get from Mister Softee.

For a refreshing delight supreme, look for Mister Softee

My milkshakes and my sundaes and my cones are such a treat.

Listen for my store on wheels ding-a-ling down the street.

The creamiest dreamiest soft ice cream you get from Mister Softee.

For a refreshing delight supreme, look for Mister Softee

S-O-F-T double E. Mister Softee!

…my God.

I have wasted my life.

And I still miss my hair.

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One comment on “REVEALED! The Mr. Softee Lyrics You Thought You Never Needed To Know!

  1. Magnificent website. A lot of helpful information here. I’m sending it to a few buddies ans additionally sharing in delicious. And certainly, thanks in your sweat!

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